just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm determined to sit on that face.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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