Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
