I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
