overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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