it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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