I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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