Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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