he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
