But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
