i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
