loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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