lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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