i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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