high people should be assigned attendants
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
