yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
