Fine. I'll sleep in my office
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
