JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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