my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
