You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
