Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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