you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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