also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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