I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
