Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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