well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Randomize
