I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
