Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
