Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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