They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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