This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We're too hungover to prance.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
