More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
