GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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