I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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