maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
