You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
