Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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