I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
