At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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