She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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