Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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