mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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