You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we're chasing vodka with high fives
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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