Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
