So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Randomize
