College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
