After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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