he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
