some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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