she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
