Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
