i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
