I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
