Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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