he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
this just has baby written all over it
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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