As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
